Let the guilt roll in.

[aide]

Sigh.

I just can't win.  Andrew warned me... and of course, I didn't listen.  No one ever does; they have to do it themselves.

What the fuck am I talking about?  The boy. 

Great on paper.  That's probably the worse back-handed compliment you could give someone.  You're great on paper, but not for me.  

We met today for the first time and I feel like a total... something nasty.  I'm shallow, I admit.  He isn't what I thought he might be in person but wasn't totally horrible.  I'm no prize in the looks department, despite what he seems to think.  It's not all about looks and I've come to realize I end up falling for the "not classically good-looking" types anyway.  But it was the personality.  Which I had a taste of over email, but it's not the same.  I like to be complimented as much as the next person but... when ever sentence (or several times in ONE sentence) has "Kakkoii!" or "Sugoi~!" in it, it loses all meaning fast.  He was just too easily amused.  And I don't know if that was nerves or if that's what he's like 24/7... but whatever might have been there was gone pretty fast.  And I feel like such a skank for feeling that way.

Maybe that psychic was right.  My love life is on holiday until I turn 25.  And if this is the kind of bullshit I have to go through, I think I'm okay waiting.  Or I can just be evil and pray that Taka breaks up with Rie (or vice versa) and I can date him.  Good on paper and I'm attracted to him.  That's a winner.

Red Cliff was ... good?  John Woo knows action but it was a bit much.  Like, the entire movie except for maybe 20 minutes was action.  I tried to just listen to the dialogue (and not laugh at the terrible dubbing) and I could catch more than I thought I would but definitely not as much as I might have three years ago.  That makes me very upset.  I tried not to read the Japanese subtitles... not that they helped me terribly when I did.  I need to read about the Tale of the Three Kingdoms and Red Cliff now.  But I got wicked ideas for Equilibrium now. :D

Andrew's renting a movie with Cris right now so we're going to talk about our kouyou trip before bed so I have time to write more fic.  Got a wicked and great feedback which will help push me over the edge.  I would feel more at ease if I could finish it tonight. 

On the plus side, I met a girl in Matsudo for a trial lesson and it looks like she likes me and wants to continue so I'll have another private student.  She's 25 so maybe a new friend too. :)     

Comments

[iaoiua.livejournal.com]

It's okay, dear — just the way things are, I've come to realize, even in my own life. It's not that the boys out there are terrible — just not right for me, or you.

[sanctified-x.livejournal.com]

If he was wrong, then he was wrong. Nothing doing.
You'll find the right guy soon, eh? :DDD

[happenstanc3.livejournal.com]

I had a similar experience recently. :/ I swore off dating random people basically years ago, but I was like "hey, why not". Ugh. Big mistake.

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. ): But hey, it's better to realize he's not what you need right at the beginning. It's even worse to get into a relationship despite your disappointment and break up months later. I've been there, it's not pretty. :/ Also,don't blame yourself (or him) simply because he's different than how you imagined him. Sometimes people just don't click, it's no one's fault.

[maiaide.livejournal.com]

I know. I realize this. I'm a bit bummed cuz I was getting fluttery whenever he mailed me before I met him. But he's taking it much harder than I am by the sounds of things. I'm updating about it as we speak. I just feel... dkjfaa. Bad.

[happenstanc3.livejournal.com]

I know, it sucks like a bitch when you realize you were being all floaty and girly about an ideal in your head. :/ It's also hard not to feel guilty since it's not his fault he comes off more attractive on-line or something. Just... don't give in out of pity. I've done it two times, and both ended in an ugly break up that could have been avoided if I just told them after the first date that they weren't what I was expecting and it would be better to just go our seperate ways. ): I'm weak to the kicked puppy look.