And then I realized, I'm just slutty.

I don't know about marriage.  I am really... not anti-marriage but anti-marriage-while-you're-young, kind of.  Maybe I've been listening to too much Dan Savage.  I have to agree, if s/he's "the one" now when you're 24, s/he'll still be "the one" when you're 30 so what's the rush?  I will be the first to admit that I am kind of anti-relationship for all the whining I do about being single.  I am bitter about them because I've never had one (or one that I want to count as one) but I don't think I'm lonely.  Maybe I'm just incapable. 

I felt this way about my career a while back, like being in Japan is holding me back while everyone else is getting started.  I still have 1 more year of school to go so I won't be starting my real teaching career until I'm 26, if I'm lucky enough to get a job right after graduation.  It shouldn't matter, I know, and I'm doing way cooler stuff than other friends of mine but still.

But I feel this way too about my relationship status.  I think I would like to get married, and maybe have kids although I think I might have too many health obsticles to even bother with it.  I think my mom said I would have trouble because I have an RH- blood type?  I don't know.  But there isn't any point fantasizing about that if there's no man (or men?) in my life.  I don't know how to act around married people who aren't my parents age.  What prompted this recent diatribe?  Apparently Mizushima Hiro is getting hitched.  And he's only 1 year older than I am, I just learned.  I think 25 is too young, but then again, this is Japan.  

All the married/engaged people I know:
-- Christina
-- Sumiko (she's also got 2 kids)
-- Katriya? (maybe she's not married but she's got a kid)
-- Kimberley
-- Yuka
-- Lydia
-- Jess
They are all the same age as me except for Lydia.  I wouldn't be surprised if fucking Manuel announced he was getting married.  They're already living together.  I'm really bitter.  And I don't think that is attracting anyone but I can't help it.  Anyway, enough.

Iwatsuki was cool.  The weather was nice.  I took lots of pictures of signage that I need to decipher with the help of a dictionary.  The park was really nice and I saw some really huge graveyards.  Tomorrow I will get up at 9am and go get my hair done.  Tomorrow night we're doing hanami in Ueno Park.  Just waiting for Andrew to make some plans.

Ugh.  Just ignore me.  I'm going to watch Hanadan and try and sleep "early".

Today is my last day being 23.  I always feel a little shocked it's my birthday.  I remember when I was a kid, counting on my fingers and trying to figure out how old I would be in the year 2000 or what year it would be when I turn 25.  Where did all that time go?  It feels like I was only 19 and in second year of uni living in the grimey Totem Park dorms and having the time of my life.  I guess this is just a different time of my life; one in which I work 40 hours a week and pay my own bills and take care of myself.  Oh, how we've come full-circle.

This one really feels like it snuck up on me.  I have always had to plan my own birthday celebrations and this year is no exception, despite my whining to Justin.  I don't like celebrating my birthday before or after the fact but it's hard to do anything on a weekday.  I made reservations for 8 here in Kashiwa but everyone is done work, etc at 7 or so and they'll be late.  I asked Blake to find a place in Ueno with yakiniku tabehodai.  I have to call back and change the reservation from 8 people to 5 anyway, so it's not different from having to cancel it.  I just have to look up the word for "cancel".  

I got a card from Derek.  He always remembers the Hallmark moments.  I can count on him for that, if not much else.  LOL  Even though we don't get to talk often (and when we do it's not much more than rally's of calling each other gay and sluts XD) but I know he'll be there if I need him.  Especially for the birthday cards with heavily made up drag queens on them.  I should prepare myself for the flood of Facebook messages from people who are too lazy to open up a new window and go to Hotmail.

I should have accepted the fact a long time ago, that my birthday is at the most awkward time of the year.  In Singapore, half the time it was a holiday for CNY which was awesome beause there was a day off but not long enough for anyone to go anywhere.  It was during Reading Break for 4 years and half of my friends went home so that sucked.  Last year was alright but I got upset that the trains had screwed me over.  I did have fun though, I do recall that.  You can look back for yourself to see what kind of fun I had.

They puzzle me sometimes.  I don't know the joy or heartache of being in a relationship but I know friends and watching other people.  Some people you think fit so well together and have been a couple for so long that you don't really think of them as not being together.  I haven't been keeping in touch with my (few) girlfriends from home as much as a should have so it was a real shock when Heather and Kevin broke up in the summer.  They were together since... my second year?  So like, nearly 4 years.  She didn't tell me why either.  He ended up going to do his B.Ed in Montreal so maybe it had something to do with that... And now I've learned that my friend Elise and her boyfriend broke up a few weeks ago and they were together for 5 years.  I don't want to pry too much but she sounds fine.  She said, better now than never.  I suppose Dan Savage is right: "All relationships are doomed to fail, until one doesn't."

On other hand, I skyped with my parents for an hour yesterday and found out that my "cousin" (parent's best friends son who we grew up with sort of) is getting married in June.  :O  Brian is getting married.  He's four months younger than me so he'll be just or just turning 24.  Oh my god.  I'm a bit pissed cuz he's the second person who I know who's getting/gotten married and I won't be going to this wedding either.  And it would be so fun.  Even though I wouldn't know anyone, all the guests would be my age and Brian is just such a clown.  I had such a good time when we visited them 5 years ago.  Fuck, has it really been that long?  I need to make a point of stopping through Edmonton on my way back to Brampton or when I go back to Vancouver for school.  Maybe I'll be able to get a car and drive back.  That would be so boring alone but still fun.  Maybe I can talk JC into a road trip if he can get a cheap enough ticket back to Toronto. 

None of this really has anything to do with me... but it makes me feel like I'm getting left behind almost.  All of these epic relationships are ending and starting and I've yet to be in one.  Maybe one of Taka's friends tonight will be single and totally hot for me.  I can only hope.

 Yvonne has a good point: don't get my hopes too high in case the boy turns out to be a total creeper. It is possible. I am... holding back or I feel restrained until I actually meet him and he passes the face-to-face test. I want to say that he's normal and a decent human since we have been talking daily for going on or nearly three weeks but I do need to take everything with a grain of salt, no matter how genuine he seems. Man, I know she means well, but she always tells me what I know but don't really want to hear and then I start to second guess my instincts. And I'm building things all up in my head and I am afraid things won't live up to my expectations when I do actually meet him. It won't be until after I come back from Nagano... I don't know if he's down with mid-week dates but I might push for it because it's just... prolonging the inevitable. I guess? It's Nikki's birthday on the 22nd so it'll have to be either Friday night or Sunday. Maybe I should tell him that now and get it logged and scheduled. Sigh. Why do I have to go and make things all technical and analytical? UGH. I suck at dating. Because I've never done it properly.

Sigh... too much thinking. I wrote a bit more for je_holiday. I don't really know where it's going.  I'm trying to steer it to a confrontation but it's hard.  I figure if I sit down and try and work on it for an hour a day I should be able to finish in time.  I'm over 1000 words at least.  I could be lazy and just end it and leave it as one of those existential emo fics.  I needs feedback. :/

I am oddly jealous of these girls who he got down with.  Although, I wouldn't want to share with any other girl.  Or boy, if that were the case.  Ahhh... Ohno, you pimp.  This is the first "scandal" of his that I have heard of (though there are more, I'm sure) but seriously?  The pictures are from the summer of 2005, according to the note in the magazine.  That was three years ago!  I would be remiss to think that a healthy, studly 24 year old guy was not getting laid on a regular basis.  As I said to iaoiua, good for him.  Go big, or go home.  Nice job, Ohno. 

I just had a thought -- who the fuck was taking the pictures? :O

He admitted to the sex but not the drugs, but even if it were true about the drugs, he would be an idiot admit it.  I personally don't think its a huge deal -- I don't smoke myself and never have, but I'm from Canada, Vancouver, no less, where if you don't smoke, you're the odd one out.  But it is illegal in Japan and the laws are very strict on drug ab/use.  Of course, that doesn't stop people who want it -- my Nova friends (I shouldn't name names) are able to get their hands on it and they are in more of a precarious position than he is.  If they get caught, they will lose their jobs, spend time in prison and most likely be deported.  He's a Japanese national so he'd probably just get fined and get put on probation or something -- do they make you do jail time for pot here?  Must google it.  According to the Japanese Cannabis Control Law (大麻取締法), if you are caught growing, importing or exporting, you'll be jailed for 7-10 years and fined 3 million yen ($30,000).  For possession, its about 5 years jail and a 2 milion yen ($20,000) fine.  Bear in mind, I just plugged the Japanese legalese into Excite translator and extrapolated.  I don't think Ohno will come under any legal fire (from the government at least) because it was three years ago and unless he is in possession now, I don't think they can do anything. 

Johnny would be a fool to fire him for that, even if it were true.  In the grand scheme of things and the big bad world of drugs, it's the best one he could have picked.  And just because he used once -- three years ago, keep in mind -- doesn't mean he does now or has recently.  Should it matter?  No.  Does it?  Apparently, yes, because AU is editing his parts in the CMs out for the time being.  As for Maou or 24hr TV -- I think it's too late for them to take any action, even if they wanted to.  Don't quote me on that -- that's just my opinion.

Who gives a shit about who he was fucking back then?  Or even now, for that matter.  It really makes me wonder what would happen if Johnny didn't have an embargo on their sex lives and just let them do whatever.  Of course, if they were normal -- and Arashi is, in my opinion -- they aren't going to parade their girlfriends (or boyfriends) around just for shits and giggles.  Just like stars in the West -- some are very private about their relationships and don't talk about it and don't have their pictures taken or whatever, but because there isn't any "rules" about it, it isn't such a huge deal when it does happen.  Chances are, if the partners aren't in the industry, they wouldn't want them to be subjected to media harassment and stuff.  The reasoning I've heard is that fangirls will go psycho and rage on the boys if they are in a relationship and doing healthy, normal things but I think that's crap.  Bad press is still press and I bet this makes JE more money that it actually costs them to hush things up.

I don't run in other fandoms like NEWS, KAT-TUN or K8 but I don't think Arashi's squeaky-clean-boy-next-door image does them any favours when something like this happens.  If something like this surfaced about Jin or Ryo, would people freak out so much?  Or would they just say, "Oh yea, just like I thought".  Haha.  But I love how everyone (in fandom at least) is enjoying this.  It's complete schadenfreude but I hope he is laughing this off, or trying to.  Although, if he had a more serious look on his face and didn't look completely blitzed out of his head -- if he wasn't high, he was definitely drunk as hell -- people might be reacting differently.  Japanese guys tend to (sadly) take cheating lightly and think being drunk negates all responsibility, especially if they can't remember what they did, but I don't think threesomes with your girlfriend are accepted so freely.


ILU OHNO, YOU PIMP ♥

Edit: I just read a fic about Ohno doing drugs at iwanaide.  Ironic?  It made me hurt, go read it.

Is the weirdest, most disturbingly fucked up movie I have seen in a long time.  And reflects all to well Japanese society, I think. 

Maybe that wasn't the best choice to watch before going to bed.

I got an email from JC yesterday that made me gasp.  Chelsea was there.  I just... couldn't... picture it.  He's got a girlfriend now, which in itself is not gasp-worthy, but who it is is.  She went to high school with us, I knew her and we hung out with the same people but I wouldn't say we were friends.  After dating Janet, I have pictured JC with someone girly and domestic.  Belinda was not exactly either in high school.  To say the least, she was a tomboy.  That's neither good nor bad, but just...  Yeah.  I basically told JC just that in my reply so I wonder what he'll say.  I didn't keep in contact with her and we were not close and people do change.  It has been five years since high school.  A hell of a lot happens in five years.  I probably wouldn't even recognize myself from high school.

That made me think about my girl friends from Vancouver and how I haven't heard from (m)any of them in a while.  I did some Facebook stalking and saw Anne Marie's pictures from Australia.  She's a bronze medal world syncho champion!  I had no idea.  It just makes me feel a bit shitty that I haven't been better at writing.  I am the first person to lay the blame on but, as Andrew loves to say, it takes two to tango.

Speaking of Andrew, we talk about once a week.  I talked about it with Yvonne, that we only talk once a week these days.  Before he started dating Kazuya, we talked almost daily and hung out at least once a week.  Not only is he dating now, but I've got work and he's got school but last term we still saw each other on a regular basis despite our schedules.  He sent me a message on Friday to check up and I suggested going to Yoyogi since it was such a gorgeous day but he had school work to do.  We didn't make any plans then and there to do anything, but he said he wouldn't be free until he finished what he needed to do and that probably wouldn't be until after dinner.  Fair enough.  I completely understand that school comes first.  I was a student too, not so long ago... 

But... I'm okay.  I'm really okay.  My fears about being shoved to the side when he and Kazuya got together are partially founded - we haven't seen or talked to each other as much in the last month or so.  But I know if I need to, I can call him him and he'll do his best to see me.  Why can't I find a straight boy to date like that? 

Enough existentialism and soul searching.  I am going to write a bit more and try to get Chapter 2 out as soon as I can.  :3  I leave you with a gem from my past when I worked at Grounds for Coffee in Vancouver making cinnamon buns.  I miss those girls. 

It's the first of September, I've been here for one month.  I can hardly believe it.  I doesn't feel like it's been a month yet... It's a weird feeling because this is the first year in sixteen years that I won't be starting school in September.  I'm going to miss it.  If you haven't noticed by skimming through my last couple entries, I'm pretty wordy and pedantic and like to write (which is why I've decided to write a book one day about living in Japan, using this blog as notes) and would probably be suited to a life of academia.  It must suck being a writer though sometimes, because even now I don't get as much feedback as I would like.  Maybe its because Vox is totalitarian and makes people sign up in order to post comments (my bad for not doing my research on blogs, but it was pretty!).  Jon so subtly told me "Brevity is the soul of wit" so I must not be that witty.  Pity.  I can rhyme though! 

Anyway... I'm chalking it up to the impending doom of school for the reason that I haven't heard a peep from a great number of people I would like to hear from and try not to think I've been black listed.

On a brighter note - Nikki and I were recommended to this delicious South East Asian restaurant in Kashiwa that makes the most delicious green curry I've ever had.  Although, they don't serve pad thai which you would think is a staple Thai dish.  But delicious, and cheap!  We also were entertained by some local talent at the train station.  I had actually been watching him for about 10 minutes while waiting for Nikki after work, playing his guitar outside the station.  He sang some English songs, Aerosmith and Green Day, and we waved to him on our way off to dinner, since obviously I had been watching for so long.  And I kind of stand out, being the only white person around.  He was still there when we came back from dinner, so we stopped and listened to "She Loves You" and talked a bit and then made our way home.  Being the creeper I am, I plugged his name into Google to see what would come up.  Found his website, left him a nice complimentary note on his blog, and will probably see him next week since he plays there every Wednesday and Friday.