May. 17th, 2009 11:58 pm
aide: (Sorry. Emo time.)
I have been feeling terrible and funky all day.  I am still feeling nauseated and I should have gotten over that ages ago.  I got home and read fic all day.  Reading about intense human relationships in the aftermath of my friend's wedding might not have been such a good idea.  I wonder what love is really like. 

I still haven't heard from my mom or brother, who I sent a couple MSN messages to asking him to give me an update.  JC said he would stop by and check up on my mom and bring my dad some donuts.  I can't believe he still remembers that my dad's favourite is sour cream glazed.  If only I had stayed in Ontario... maybe we would have ended up together in the end.  Well, it's not the end yet, but our paths are no where near coming together and there are many other factors... I won't dwell.  But I think there's a reason why every time I see him, we ended up talking about the what ifs.  It's always bad timing.  I don't want to stay in Toronto and he doesn't feel the urge to leave.

I'm still waiting.

The is a storm raging in Kashiwa tonight.  It's rainy and windy, whipping the trees around like rags.  I hate when it gets like this because the wind gets caught in the pockets of my building's architecture--the balconys, the hallway outside, between my room and the house next door--and it just howls.  It makes sleep very hard to find.  I feel exhausted so it shouldn't be hard but it is.  Thank god I only have to teach Araragi tomorrow.  It's pretty much a waste for me to go in; I almost wish I didn't have to.  Or that they would let me leave.  There isn't a point in me sitting at my desk doing nothing.  I'll write some letters or scribble some ideas down for some stories.  I really am just not getting inspired these days.  Maybe I should start something for the book I keep saying I'm going to write.
aide: (Default)
I don't know about marriage.  I am really... not anti-marriage but anti-marriage-while-you're-young, kind of.  Maybe I've been listening to too much Dan Savage.  I have to agree, if s/he's "the one" now when you're 24, s/he'll still be "the one" when you're 30 so what's the rush?  I will be the first to admit that I am kind of anti-relationship for all the whining I do about being single.  I am bitter about them because I've never had one (or one that I want to count as one) but I don't think I'm lonely.  Maybe I'm just incapable. 

I felt this way about my career a while back, like being in Japan is holding me back while everyone else is getting started.  I still have 1 more year of school to go so I won't be starting my real teaching career until I'm 26, if I'm lucky enough to get a job right after graduation.  It shouldn't matter, I know, and I'm doing way cooler stuff than other friends of mine but still.

But I feel this way too about my relationship status.  I think I would like to get married, and maybe have kids although I think I might have too many health obsticles to even bother with it.  I think my mom said I would have trouble because I have an RH- blood type?  I don't know.  But there isn't any point fantasizing about that if there's no man (or men?) in my life.  I don't know how to act around married people who aren't my parents age.  What prompted this recent diatribe?  Apparently Mizushima Hiro is getting hitched.  And he's only 1 year older than I am, I just learned.  I think 25 is too young, but then again, this is Japan.  

All the married/engaged people I know:
-- Christina
-- Sumiko (she's also got 2 kids)
-- Katriya? (maybe she's not married but she's got a kid)
-- Kimberley
-- Yuka
-- Lydia
-- Jess
They are all the same age as me except for Lydia.  I wouldn't be surprised if fucking Manuel announced he was getting married.  They're already living together.  I'm really bitter.  And I don't think that is attracting anyone but I can't help it.  Anyway, enough.

Iwatsuki was cool.  The weather was nice.  I took lots of pictures of signage that I need to decipher with the help of a dictionary.  The park was really nice and I saw some really huge graveyards.  Tomorrow I will get up at 9am and go get my hair done.  Tomorrow night we're doing hanami in Ueno Park.  Just waiting for Andrew to make some plans.

Ugh.  Just ignore me.  I'm going to watch Hanadan and try and sleep "early".

aide: (大野 → Pouty)
I don't know what it is. Dissatisfaction maybe. Mee goreng didn't turn out as well as I would have liked. I bought fresh noodles on sale yesterday but I think they needed to be boiled first because they ended up just sticking together in a doughy lump. :/ The flavour was fine; I loved the burst of sourness of the tomato. I'll be eating left-overs for dinner tomorrow.

My recipe book is awesome. :D I want to try making chawan mushi so badly! I need to get a couple mushi cups so I can try. It's kind of a lot of work though but I want to get the most out of my steamer pot. I will want to take it back to Canada with me because a) there's nothing wrong with it and b) I'll only have to buy a new one when I get there so why not just spend a little to ship it home. Authentic Japanese steamer pot! Or something.

I've noticed my brain has been straying more to "when I leave Japan". Which is still a vague approximation of "next Spring" at best. I am putting more thought into what I'm going to do with myself when I get back and I wonder if I'll really feel satisfied with my life. When I was younger and growing up in Singapore I remember thinking, "If only I was in Canada, I could do/see/buy x, y, z" but then when the time came for us to leave, it felt like back pedalling. Canada is somewhere I'll always be able to go back to (pending funds) and I know it; it's familiar and I'll be able to fit in right away. But going back there... it kind of feels like a downgrade. I didn't really know that's how I felt until just now, I haven't been able to put a label on that. I don't feel that way about Vancouver so much, but definitely about Brampton. I'm actually looking forward to moving "home" and living with my parents again... even if it does mean having to live in one of the seven circles of hell for a few months.

I'm only thinking as far ahead as finishing my B.Ed which, if all goes accordingly, will be 2011. What am I going to do then? I'll be 26. As if that has any meaning or bearing on anything at all.

Picture of the day: Brown Sugar Choco Mushi Pan ♥  Holy crap this picture is huuuuge. o_o;;

I can't get Inoue Joe's "PJ Anthem" out of my head.

Now on the subject of work: I gave the firsties a quiz today about the last chapter of the book (Whale Rider) and basically they just had to copy the answers out of the book.  It was mostly to see if they understood the question. 

1. Why did Paikea's grandfather want a boy?
Because, "Only a boy can lead the village."

That's what most kids wrote and I told them that you don't put a comma after because.  

3. What did Paikea believe?
She believed, "Even a girl can lead the village."

Then they asked me why there's a comma after believed but not because and I couldn't think of an answer that they would understand.  I explained that in the 3rd question you could replace believed with said and it still means the same thing and you need a comma in that case.  And you know who's speaking.  The textbook doesn't specify who is talking (or if it's even a spoken line) for the first question but there's no comma anyway so I don't know why they were putting one in.  

Which is more correct?

Because only a boy can lead the village.  or  Because "Only a boy can lead the village."   I told one class if you use quotations, capitalize the first letter of the speech but don't if there aren't any.  And we never use a comma after because unless you are inserting something else and that's way beyond their level.  That's technical native speaker grammar now.  Anyway, it kind of stumped me because I didn't know what best to tell them other than, "Just because."  I think I've gone and confused myself even more now.

aide: (Default)
Today is my last day being 23.  I always feel a little shocked it's my birthday.  I remember when I was a kid, counting on my fingers and trying to figure out how old I would be in the year 2000 or what year it would be when I turn 25.  Where did all that time go?  It feels like I was only 19 and in second year of uni living in the grimey Totem Park dorms and having the time of my life.  I guess this is just a different time of my life; one in which I work 40 hours a week and pay my own bills and take care of myself.  Oh, how we've come full-circle.

This one really feels like it snuck up on me.  I have always had to plan my own birthday celebrations and this year is no exception, despite my whining to Justin.  I don't like celebrating my birthday before or after the fact but it's hard to do anything on a weekday.  I made reservations for 8 here in Kashiwa but everyone is done work, etc at 7 or so and they'll be late.  I asked Blake to find a place in Ueno with yakiniku tabehodai.  I have to call back and change the reservation from 8 people to 5 anyway, so it's not different from having to cancel it.  I just have to look up the word for "cancel".  

I got a card from Derek.  He always remembers the Hallmark moments.  I can count on him for that, if not much else.  LOL  Even though we don't get to talk often (and when we do it's not much more than rally's of calling each other gay and sluts XD) but I know he'll be there if I need him.  Especially for the birthday cards with heavily made up drag queens on them.  I should prepare myself for the flood of Facebook messages from people who are too lazy to open up a new window and go to Hotmail.

I should have accepted the fact a long time ago, that my birthday is at the most awkward time of the year.  In Singapore, half the time it was a holiday for CNY which was awesome beause there was a day off but not long enough for anyone to go anywhere.  It was during Reading Break for 4 years and half of my friends went home so that sucked.  Last year was alright but I got upset that the trains had screwed me over.  I did have fun though, I do recall that.  You can look back for yourself to see what kind of fun I had.
aide: (大野 → Unimpressed)
I don't know why I torture myself. I was stalking people on Facebook, old friends and people who I haven't added but went to high school with or university etc etc. So many of them are either a) still dating the person they were dating 2-3 years ago, b) are engaged, b) are married or d) have kids. Or some twisted combination of all of the above. It's kind of depressing... and yet I feel quite satisfied not to be tied to the same person for that long especially in this tumultous period of post-grad. And that at least I haven't gained weight since graduation. I haven't lost much if anything but I'll take that. I saw pictures of JC and his girlfriend from some holiday party and I hardly recognized him! He's got some cheeks on him now but he looks healthy and happy so that's all that matters. It's all the studying I guess. And you can't go running in the winter. I tell myself that everyday and that's why I haven't started. Yet.

It just made me think (as I am wont to do) about life changes and where I'm heading and all that. I'm not going to get into the whole relationship hang-up (again) but it made me think about that. An old friend from middle school reconnected with me and she's married and having her second baby this week. And another friend from middle school who now lives in Australia and its all pierced up with a kid (I don't know that story though). And then there's Christina but we won't get into that. Rebecca's gained weight too and looks exactly like her mom. Facebook is so devilish... I tried to get in contact with a good friend from high school way back when since we lost touch after I moved to Vancouver but she didn't even reply when I got her university issued email address from a mutual friend. It really makes me wonder... Christina, Rebecca and Nashifa are all pretty religious girls and I am fairly certain that was the driving wedge between Christina, Rebecca and I but I don't know about Nashifa. I tried to call her when I was home last but I guess she never got the message I left with her dad. Or she got it and didn't want to call me back. It's makes me sad.

All I can say is that I'm so fucking glad I left Ontario. Everyone there seems to be settling down and getting fat. And dating ugly people. Not all, but some. It just seems so poisonous. But maybe that's because it's Brampton. If I do ever move back to that pit, I will make damn sure I'm living closer to the city. Or surrounding myself with ... I don't even know if the option of people who are small-minded and backward is available. I guess I'll be reading. Lots. Or going to JC's every free moment. Move over Belinda.

Yeah, I don't know. It just got me thinking. I don't like to sound pretentious, if that's even how I should describe this, but I feel like I'm doing the most interesting thing out of most of the people I went to high school with. I might not have a fancy career or a mortgage or even a fucking car, but at least I'm not living at home anymore. Which is more than I can say for almost everyone. But then again, in Japan, that's not a bad thing.

In other news, I'm meeting an old friend from high school tomorrow for dinner in Ginza. And I have a date on Thursday. ♥
aide: (大野 → Bow down to the King)
They puzzle me sometimes.  I don't know the joy or heartache of being in a relationship but I know friends and watching other people.  Some people you think fit so well together and have been a couple for so long that you don't really think of them as not being together.  I haven't been keeping in touch with my (few) girlfriends from home as much as a should have so it was a real shock when Heather and Kevin broke up in the summer.  They were together since... my second year?  So like, nearly 4 years.  She didn't tell me why either.  He ended up going to do his B.Ed in Montreal so maybe it had something to do with that... And now I've learned that my friend Elise and her boyfriend broke up a few weeks ago and they were together for 5 years.  I don't want to pry too much but she sounds fine.  She said, better now than never.  I suppose Dan Savage is right: "All relationships are doomed to fail, until one doesn't."

On other hand, I skyped with my parents for an hour yesterday and found out that my "cousin" (parent's best friends son who we grew up with sort of) is getting married in June.  :O  Brian is getting married.  He's four months younger than me so he'll be just or just turning 24.  Oh my god.  I'm a bit pissed cuz he's the second person who I know who's getting/gotten married and I won't be going to this wedding either.  And it would be so fun.  Even though I wouldn't know anyone, all the guests would be my age and Brian is just such a clown.  I had such a good time when we visited them 5 years ago.  Fuck, has it really been that long?  I need to make a point of stopping through Edmonton on my way back to Brampton or when I go back to Vancouver for school.  Maybe I'll be able to get a car and drive back.  That would be so boring alone but still fun.  Maybe I can talk JC into a road trip if he can get a cheap enough ticket back to Toronto. 

None of this really has anything to do with me... but it makes me feel like I'm getting left behind almost.  All of these epic relationships are ending and starting and I've yet to be in one.  Maybe one of Taka's friends tonight will be single and totally hot for me.  I can only hope.

aide: (Sorry. Emo time.)
My parcels are all ready to go out tomorrow. God, I wonder how much it's going to cost. I was just going to send my family's presents in an envelope but I only have an A4 size one and it's just a little bit too small.  I found a small box to use instead so hopefully that won't jack the price up that much.  It's not that heavy.  I've also got t-shirts for Destini and a mag for Alison ready to go.  The shirts won't be much and I don't think the magazine will be either, since it's smaller than the last one I sent but you never know.  Now all that's left is to get my new year cards written and mailed.  At least my family's and Alison's will be done since I'm including them there.  I've already sealed up Destini's package and I don't feel like regluing/taping everything.  I would probably have to use a whole new envelope.  Oh well.  I wasn't thinking that far ahead when I went and got that ready.  Durrr.  The only thing I have to do is wrap the box in paper and address it.  I wish Japan Post provided packing supplies like they do in Canada.  They don't even sell fucking envelopes.  

I'm not really sleepy... I should be.  I will be tomorrow if I don't go to sleep soon.  I told myself I need to start going to be earlier because I'm not able to wake up at 6 anymore.  Or I wasn't last week.  Maybe it's because I spent the whole day at home and did nothing.  I finished watching Roswell ): and played video games.  I didn't even write.  But I thought about it.  I fended off people who wanted to sell me newspapers and make me pay for NHK.  I'm surprised that she didn't try to fight with me on that one.  She asked me if I had a TV and I said yes, but I only watched DVDs.  And she bought it.  Sweet. 

I'm feeling odd.  I don't want to say lonely... because I don't feel depressed or upset about being home alone.  Actually I was really looking forward to today after having been out an about for the last few weekends with next to no downtime.  I've never really had people lining up to talk to me or mountains of messages waiting for me ever, so I don't know why it should feel so strange now.  I sometimes wonder why I don't get more emails/letters than I do.  It's most definitely the fault of MSN; you talk to people more frequently and run out of things to say.  Although I write the randomest, moronic letters that just babble on about nothing.  Even with online friends, though, it seems like I have been out of touch with some people.  I don't know if it's my fault or just life butting its fat head in.  Maybe a combination of both.  Just ignore me, I'm not even making sense.

Today is the deadline for[ profile] je_ficgames.  I wonder when those will start getting posted.  I'm not even sure how the voting/point system really works... I have no idea what the rest of my team is doing except for 1 person.  It didn't really turn out to be such a "team" game, at least in my case.  There is one more day for[ profile] je_holiday and then those will start to be posted in 2 weeks.  It's really bizarre: I'm more interested in the feedback for my fic, and hope the reciepent likes it, than what I'm going to get.  

I've got to think up a new challenge for[ profile] kotobayori for December.  I feel like it's going to be half-assed on my part because I haven't really thought it through.  Meh.  Whatever. 

I hestitate to think about what my schedule for tomorrow/December is going to be like.  I wonder when/if Tatsuya is going to make his appearance.  He probably won't give me any warning again.  Prick.
aide: (大野 → Pouty)
 Yvonne has a good point: don't get my hopes too high in case the boy turns out to be a total creeper. It is possible. I am... holding back or I feel restrained until I actually meet him and he passes the face-to-face test. I want to say that he's normal and a decent human since we have been talking daily for going on or nearly three weeks but I do need to take everything with a grain of salt, no matter how genuine he seems. Man, I know she means well, but she always tells me what I know but don't really want to hear and then I start to second guess my instincts. And I'm building things all up in my head and I am afraid things won't live up to my expectations when I do actually meet him. It won't be until after I come back from Nagano... I don't know if he's down with mid-week dates but I might push for it because it's just... prolonging the inevitable. I guess? It's Nikki's birthday on the 22nd so it'll have to be either Friday night or Sunday. Maybe I should tell him that now and get it logged and scheduled. Sigh. Why do I have to go and make things all technical and analytical? UGH. I suck at dating. Because I've never done it properly.

Sigh... too much thinking. I wrote a bit more for [ profile] je_holiday. I don't really know where it's going.  I'm trying to steer it to a confrontation but it's hard.  I figure if I sit down and try and work on it for an hour a day I should be able to finish in time.  I'm over 1000 words at least.  I could be lazy and just end it and leave it as one of those existential emo fics.  I needs feedback. :/


Sep. 2nd, 2008 01:49 am
aide: (Default)
So, you may or may not know that I have tattoos.  Two of them to be exact.  And seven piercings, all in my ears.  I had eight but one never healed properly so I let it close up.  I want one of my targus pierced but am hesitant to do it, especially in Japan.  The hygiene standards are high here and it's going to be pricey whereever I go (but at least there's only 5% tax in Japan and you don't tip) but Amanda's had some problems with hers.  Which is more likely her own fault for not caring for it properly than the fault of the piercer but still.  

Piercings don't appeal to me much anymore... or I wonder if they ever really did.  I don't have any desire to get any other part of my body done, though I have had fleeting thoughts about a navel ring, but the aftercare puts me off.  It's the least painful place to get it done I've heard, it's just skin, but also the most likely for infection afterwards.  And I'm not that slim so no one would ever see it.  Not that anyone sees my tattoos either.   Piercings hurt like a beast for weeks -- possibly up to a year -- but tattoos really only hurt during.  Afterwards, it's just tender and itchy when it's healing.  And they are addictive...  when I get back to Canada, I will get another cherry blossom on my shoulder as rememberence of my time in Japan. 


I wanted to get my zodiac on the back of my neck -- a kind of hybrid cross between pisces and aquarius because my birthday is on the cusp but I never got it done.  I also want script somewhere in a crisp gothic style but I don't know what I want it to say or where I would put it.  I saw the trailer for... I don't know the name of it but Angelina's new movie and there's a scene where you see her bare back and all her tattoos and it got me thinking.  I have coloured ones but plain black just looks so classy... Even if they aren't the same style or theme, they fit together when they are black. 

aide: (Sho sez: WTF.)

I am oddly jealous of these girls who he got down with.  Although, I wouldn't want to share with any other girl.  Or boy, if that were the case.  Ahhh... Ohno, you pimp.  This is the first "scandal" of his that I have heard of (though there are more, I'm sure) but seriously?  The pictures are from the summer of 2005, according to the note in the magazine.  That was three years ago!  I would be remiss to think that a healthy, studly 24 year old guy was not getting laid on a regular basis.  As I said to [profile] iaoiua, good for him.  Go big, or go home.  Nice job, Ohno. 

I just had a thought -- who the fuck was taking the pictures? :O

He admitted to the sex but not the drugs, but even if it were true about the drugs, he would be an idiot admit it.  I personally don't think its a huge deal -- I don't smoke myself and never have, but I'm from Canada, Vancouver, no less, where if you don't smoke, you're the odd one out.  But it is illegal in Japan and the laws are very strict on drug ab/use.  Of course, that doesn't stop people who want it -- my Nova friends (I shouldn't name names) are able to get their hands on it and they are in more of a precarious position than he is.  If they get caught, they will lose their jobs, spend time in prison and most likely be deported.  He's a Japanese national so he'd probably just get fined and get put on probation or something -- do they make you do jail time for pot here?  Must google it.  According to the Japanese Cannabis Control Law (大麻取締法), if you are caught growing, importing or exporting, you'll be jailed for 7-10 years and fined 3 million yen ($30,000).  For possession, its about 5 years jail and a 2 milion yen ($20,000) fine.  Bear in mind, I just plugged the Japanese legalese into Excite translator and extrapolated.  I don't think Ohno will come under any legal fire (from the government at least) because it was three years ago and unless he is in possession now, I don't think they can do anything. 

Johnny would be a fool to fire him for that, even if it were true.  In the grand scheme of things and the big bad world of drugs, it's the best one he could have picked.  And just because he used once -- three years ago, keep in mind -- doesn't mean he does now or has recently.  Should it matter?  No.  Does it?  Apparently, yes, because AU is editing his parts in the CMs out for the time being.  As for Maou or 24hr TV -- I think it's too late for them to take any action, even if they wanted to.  Don't quote me on that -- that's just my opinion.

Who gives a shit about who he was fucking back then?  Or even now, for that matter.  It really makes me wonder what would happen if Johnny didn't have an embargo on their sex lives and just let them do whatever.  Of course, if they were normal -- and Arashi is, in my opinion -- they aren't going to parade their girlfriends (or boyfriends) around just for shits and giggles.  Just like stars in the West -- some are very private about their relationships and don't talk about it and don't have their pictures taken or whatever, but because there isn't any "rules" about it, it isn't such a huge deal when it does happen.  Chances are, if the partners aren't in the industry, they wouldn't want them to be subjected to media harassment and stuff.  The reasoning I've heard is that fangirls will go psycho and rage on the boys if they are in a relationship and doing healthy, normal things but I think that's crap.  Bad press is still press and I bet this makes JE more money that it actually costs them to hush things up.

I don't run in other fandoms like NEWS, KAT-TUN or K8 but I don't think Arashi's squeaky-clean-boy-next-door image does them any favours when something like this happens.  If something like this surfaced about Jin or Ryo, would people freak out so much?  Or would they just say, "Oh yea, just like I thought".  Haha.  But I love how everyone (in fandom at least) is enjoying this.  It's complete schadenfreude but I hope he is laughing this off, or trying to.  Although, if he had a more serious look on his face and didn't look completely blitzed out of his head -- if he wasn't high, he was definitely drunk as hell -- people might be reacting differently.  Japanese guys tend to (sadly) take cheating lightly and think being drunk negates all responsibility, especially if they can't remember what they did, but I don't think threesomes with your girlfriend are accepted so freely.


Edit: I just read a fic about Ohno doing drugs at [profile] iwanaide.  Ironic?  It made me hurt, go read it.
aide: (Sho sez: WTF.)
They're doing some weird game on Himitsu... and they said Ohno weighs 40kg right now.  Mr Plasma Screen is not a complementary nickname in my books.

He's 166cm (5'5") and 40 kilos (88lb).  He weighs half as much as I do.  And I'm only 2 inches taller than him.  With those measurements, he has a Body Mass Index of 14.5; normal weight should be 18.5~24.9.  D:  That makes me worried!  They list his weight as 51kg on Wiki.theppn but I don't know how old that information is.  But even then, that is a BMI of 18.5.  Only just normal (by which I think they mean "healthy") weight.  What happened to the toned althletic chubby-faced Leader we all know and love?  It is hard to believe he would have developed an eating disorder with his apparent love of food, but anything is possible.  I really and truly hope its merely a side effect of doing a dome tour, a serial drama, filming for three variety shows, and they're doing their Asian tour in the fall on the heels of Maou... It really does make me worry not just for him, but for all of them.  Yes, as a fan, but also as a human being.

Again, I don't know how old the information for the rest of the group is, but even still, they are all barely in the "normal" weight bracket.  Just barely.  Although, around YTM last year Sho was definitely not.  If Sho could bounce back from that, I am sure Ohno can too.  がんばって、リーダー!何かを食べて!

Japanese people are on the skinny end of the spectrum of the human race anyway, but there is also a problem with eating disorders that is severely unaddressed.  I saw a girl once in Edogawadai station who... it looked difficult for her to even walk, her sneakers seemed too heavy for her feet to lift.  She was literally skin and bones.  It was a severe case of anorexia surely and it was heartbreaking to see.  She was clearly not healthy, and only a high school student at most!  She wasn't the first I've seen, but was by far the worst.

This is making me think about my own eating habits (which I know are not great) and lifestyle.  I don't exercise (and surely they do) and I don't eat very regularly or well (but I'm sure they even less so).  I eat out about everyday with my convenience store breakfasts/lunches but do try to cook dinner at least.  I have tried the low/no carb thing but I can't do it.  I get hungry within an hour of eating if there isn't anything starchy on my plate.  I know you just have to tough through and after the first week it gets better but... I am weak.  I love food.  I don't understand how people can just not eat by choice.  I understand and have experienced not being able to eat from stress or just being so busy you get wrapped up and forget to eat, or don't even get hungry in the first place.  But even though I am not 100% happy with my figure, I can't imagine just cutting out food all together to solve that problem. 

I don't even know how much I weigh now exactly but I know I am technically "overweight" according to the BMI, hovering around 27.7.  When I was 16, 17 I had a healthy BMI of 22.5 and I maintained that for a lot of years.  And then I moved back to Canada and stopped being so active.  If I hate one thing about myself, its that I let myself go like that.  And I know, I keep telling myself this everytime I fall into a slump about my body, that I should do something about it now when there are only a couple (try 20) kilos to lose.  This wasn't a sudden change but I only really noticed the gain after my 3rd year of university and the discovery of beer.  I know I could lose the extra kilos and get back in shape if I tried.  And I really should.  I know it would make me feel better.  Why is there such a disparity between knowledge and action?  

Ao no Hono

Jul. 24th, 2008 02:10 am
aide: (Sho sez: WTF.)
Is the weirdest, most disturbingly fucked up movie I have seen in a long time.  And reflects all to well Japanese society, I think. 

Maybe that wasn't the best choice to watch before going to bed.

Maou Mail

Jul. 12th, 2008 04:47 pm
aide: (Default)
Got another mail from Ohno about Maou yesterday. Haha... he's such a fool; you gotta love him.


2008年7月11日 大野智

Hello, this is Maou!  Did you watch episode 1!?  Was I alright? LOL  However, watching myself is super embarrassing~!  Even though it seems that way, I'm giving it my all so watch it!  And then eposide 2!  Who do you think the next target is!?  The hint is the last red room in episode 1!  Who was it in the photograph the lawyer stared at with eyes of hatred!?  Watch for it!

July 11th, 2008  Ohno Satoshi

Stayed over at Stephen's place last night.  It was fun; we watched a football movie (I don't know why, but I like them).  He cooked dinner (and then breakfast) and his place is really nice.  It's  2 room apartment in Minami Kashiwa, pretty much right behind Aeon on the other side of the tracks.  Not terribly far at all.  It would take about 20 minutes or so to walk home, I think.

Still... nothing.  It's not that I didn't enjoy myself, but it doesn't feel like anything special.  Or romantic?  I want to tell myself to just go with it and see what happens (and Andrew would too) but even after a month... well, I only saw him twice.  But when I get mail from him it's like "Ughhhhh...." rather than "Oh yay!".  When I get there and see him and we hang out, it's fine.  It's friendly and all good and whatever.  I don't know.  He said we should hang out before he goes to Ghana on the 28th or something (I don't know for how long) but I was kind of non-commital.  Nikki and Amanda and I were talking about hitting up some festivals and Justin wants to go to the zoo.  I don't know.  I don't know who I can talk about this with that would understand.

I stopped at the 100 yen store on my way home and got some twine finally to tie up those old clothes so I can get them out.  I should go through my wardrobe and get rid of stuff... most of my t-shirts are looking pretty gross these days so I think it's time to purge.  I also got some new sandals (green!) for 1000 yen and a vacuum cleaner for 3000.  I was looking for bed/futon frames at Jusco but they only had one and it was 12,000 yen.  It was fold up one so I could make more room if I wanted to but... just for a simple frame, I don't want to pay that much.  I don't even know if something like I'm imagining in my head exists.  I will go to this E2 place Stephen told me about and Hard Off again and see what they have.  If they don't have what I am looking for... I might just cave and buy the one from Jusco.  Although I think Ikea had one online?  I will have to look again.  I was going to get a toaster oven, but I'll go to Hard Off for that because I saw a few for cheap there.  Finally got a lightbulb too.

Came home, cleaned, set roach traps, made oolong tea but my fridge is taking forever to freeze the ice, did laundry, napped, translated a bit.  I've got Code Blue 1 subbed, Maou 1 subbed and Maou 2 to watch.  :3  I want to work on my fic a bit... I edited it so far so it all fits together now, I just have to continue. 


May. 18th, 2008 03:42 pm
aide: (Ohno's taking me to prom.)
I got an email from JC yesterday that made me gasp.  Chelsea was there.  I just... couldn't... picture it.  He's got a girlfriend now, which in itself is not gasp-worthy, but who it is is.  She went to high school with us, I knew her and we hung out with the same people but I wouldn't say we were friends.  After dating Janet, I have pictured JC with someone girly and domestic.  Belinda was not exactly either in high school.  To say the least, she was a tomboy.  That's neither good nor bad, but just...  Yeah.  I basically told JC just that in my reply so I wonder what he'll say.  I didn't keep in contact with her and we were not close and people do change.  It has been five years since high school.  A hell of a lot happens in five years.  I probably wouldn't even recognize myself from high school.

That made me think about my girl friends from Vancouver and how I haven't heard from (m)any of them in a while.  I did some Facebook stalking and saw Anne Marie's pictures from Australia.  She's a bronze medal world syncho champion!  I had no idea.  It just makes me feel a bit shitty that I haven't been better at writing.  I am the first person to lay the blame on but, as Andrew loves to say, it takes two to tango.

Speaking of Andrew, we talk about once a week.  I talked about it with Yvonne, that we only talk once a week these days.  Before he started dating Kazuya, we talked almost daily and hung out at least once a week.  Not only is he dating now, but I've got work and he's got school but last term we still saw each other on a regular basis despite our schedules.  He sent me a message on Friday to check up and I suggested going to Yoyogi since it was such a gorgeous day but he had school work to do.  We didn't make any plans then and there to do anything, but he said he wouldn't be free until he finished what he needed to do and that probably wouldn't be until after dinner.  Fair enough.  I completely understand that school comes first.  I was a student too, not so long ago... 

But... I'm okay.  I'm really okay.  My fears about being shoved to the side when he and Kazuya got together are partially founded - we haven't seen or talked to each other as much in the last month or so.  But I know if I need to, I can call him him and he'll do his best to see me.  Why can't I find a straight boy to date like that? 

Enough existentialism and soul searching.  I am going to write a bit more and try to get Chapter 2 out as soon as I can.  :3  I leave you with a gem from my past when I worked at Grounds for Coffee in Vancouver making cinnamon buns.  I miss those girls. 

aide: (Janken - You lose.)
I just watched this documentary about Nino and I have lost all my drive to finish writing the fic I started.  Damn it!  It still amazes me to meet people my own age who are so serious and dedicated to their career (though most people my age don't have careers yet).  It almost made me think that the Johnny's lifestyle is a pretty pathetic one. 

From the interviews it seemed like all he did was eat, sleep and breathe work.  There was no time for fun or free time.  Not that he doesn't enjoy his job or accomplishments, but... it was sobering.  You always think the life of celebrities is so glamourous and they are just fawned over all the time and live in the lap of luxury.  Maybe they live that way in the States, or that's the image we get from watching "The Fabulous Life of" and all those personal profiles.  They don't seem to be under the same pressure as Japanese idols.  We don't have these "idol machines" like Johnny's Entertainment either, enormous companys that pluck children out of their lives and make stars out of them.  That's not to say that Johnny's don't have talent.  Some of them most definitely have talent.  But how can you tell at twelve years old?  At that age, you're just a pretty face.  At that young age, anyone can be molded and taught to sing and dance with enough practice. 

I guess you could compare it to my friend Brad.  He started swimming when he was a kid, and just kept at it because he liked it.  It got to a point where he was training ten times a week and going to school and then cramming in doing homework when he had a free moment.  He woke up for practice at 4:30am every day and after homework, sometimes didn't get to sleep until 11pm or midnight.  He did that for about ten years.  If he hadn't had that accident, its very possible that he may have made it to the Olympics this year.  But school was more important and he wasn't getting back to his pervious times, unfortunately.  It's really a shame that he stopped.  He must have had a natural talent but he also had the drive for it.  It must be the same for kids in any entertainment industry.  You give up your childhood for something that could be your dream.  Brad knew he could quit anytime, and did in the end.  Can Johnny's? 

Anyway, that's my random existential thought for the day.  I never had anything I was that passionate about when I was growing up.  Sure, I liked art, but not enough to commit myself to it 24/7 and get recognition for it.  I had a gift for languages, but I never persued that further than getting high marks in school.  I wonder how I would be different as a person if I had taken up dance or a sport seriously.  I probably wouldn't be where I am now. 

That's heavy.

Nino in glasses = so hot.  And they are emo glasses (but stylish) as imagined.  Maybe I can finish that fic now.  Might be a late night.


Sep. 1st, 2007 12:05 pm
aide: (Emo)

It's the first of September, I've been here for one month.  I can hardly believe it.  I doesn't feel like it's been a month yet... It's a weird feeling because this is the first year in sixteen years that I won't be starting school in September.  I'm going to miss it.  If you haven't noticed by skimming through my last couple entries, I'm pretty wordy and pedantic and like to write (which is why I've decided to write a book one day about living in Japan, using this blog as notes) and would probably be suited to a life of academia.  It must suck being a writer though sometimes, because even now I don't get as much feedback as I would like.  Maybe its because Vox is totalitarian and makes people sign up in order to post comments (my bad for not doing my research on blogs, but it was pretty!).  Jon so subtly told me "Brevity is the soul of wit" so I must not be that witty.  Pity.  I can rhyme though! 

Anyway... I'm chalking it up to the impending doom of school for the reason that I haven't heard a peep from a great number of people I would like to hear from and try not to think I've been black listed.

On a brighter note - Nikki and I were recommended to this delicious South East Asian restaurant in Kashiwa that makes the most delicious green curry I've ever had.  Although, they don't serve pad thai which you would think is a staple Thai dish.  But delicious, and cheap!  We also were entertained by some local talent at the train station.  I had actually been watching him for about 10 minutes while waiting for Nikki after work, playing his guitar outside the station.  He sang some English songs, Aerosmith and Green Day, and we waved to him on our way off to dinner, since obviously I had been watching for so long.  And I kind of stand out, being the only white person around.  He was still there when we came back from dinner, so we stopped and listened to "She Loves You" and talked a bit and then made our way home.  Being the creeper I am, I plugged his name into Google to see what would come up.  Found his website, left him a nice complimentary note on his blog, and will probably see him next week since he plays there every Wednesday and Friday. 

April 2010

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