Oh, and I did start crying

I was thinking that it would be like, "Okay kids, time for Heather's lesson"
and I talk about Remembrance Day. The last two weeks have been so fucked up
with these parent/teacher meetings or whatever the fuck and classes have
been 45 mins since the start of the month so everyone is behind. So I just
worked it into my "chat with Heather" where I ask them a question at the
start of class and they don't answer. The first time I did it, I didn't
read mom's letter or recite the poem but I still got choked up. The second
time I did and there was about 3 times when you could tell I was about to
cry. But I made it through Flander's Fields without having to stop. I've
been hearing "kawaii sensei!" every time I walk into a classroom today.
Because I'm wearing a scarf and my green wool sweater? And I'm *<*I>still
freezing my balls off. I think I need to leave a hoodie at work and get a
blanket for my lap or something. Not being able to feel my fingers all day
at work is not my idea of a good time.

I also haven't heard any details about this trip happening this weekend.
It's cutting it a bit down to the wire. I want to know how much I'm
shelling out for this. Unless it's paid for? That would rock.

I'm also over this fucking computer crashing every time I try and open
something off my flash drive. Not impressed.

Rain on my parade.

 Yvonne has a good point: don't get my hopes too high in case the boy turns out to be a total creeper. It is possible. I am... holding back or I feel restrained until I actually meet him and he passes the face-to-face test. I want to say that he's normal and a decent human since we have been talking daily for going on or nearly three weeks but I do need to take everything with a grain of salt, no matter how genuine he seems. Man, I know she means well, but she always tells me what I know but don't really want to hear and then I start to second guess my instincts. And I'm building things all up in my head and I am afraid things won't live up to my expectations when I do actually meet him. It won't be until after I come back from Nagano... I don't know if he's down with mid-week dates but I might push for it because it's just... prolonging the inevitable. I guess? It's Nikki's birthday on the 22nd so it'll have to be either Friday night or Sunday. Maybe I should tell him that now and get it logged and scheduled. Sigh. Why do I have to go and make things all technical and analytical? UGH. I suck at dating. Because I've never done it properly.

Sigh... too much thinking. I wrote a bit more for je_holiday. I don't really know where it's going.  I'm trying to steer it to a confrontation but it's hard.  I figure if I sit down and try and work on it for an hour a day I should be able to finish in time.  I'm over 1000 words at least.  I could be lazy and just end it and leave it as one of those existential emo fics.  I needs feedback. :/