Why do we feel guilty for being up front about our feelings and intentions? I didn't know that I would end up not
liking Satoshi when we met; if anything I was more sceptical that I would
. I feel like a bitch. Yes, it was my fault for leading him to believe that something might be there but honestly, I thought there was too. I was getting warm fuzzies when I saw that he'd mailed me. Maybe it's because I'm (clearly) more mature than he is and (definitely) have more experience in this regard because I know what I want and I won't settle. I'm not one of those flakey Japanese girls (or boys) who will date someone they don't even really like just to say they have a boyfriend. How much could he really like me after only talking through emails? Even after 3 weeks. I'm trying to justify this to myself and I talked about it with Andrew while we climbed Mt. Tsukuba today (YES I CLIMBED A MOUNTAIN!) and he said that I'll feel better in a few days, and I probably will. Satoshi and I are just cut from different cloth, obviously. Would he rather me lie to him and pretend and have him fall for me more and then
break up with him because it wasn't working out? I think I did him a huge favour, even if he doesn't think so now.
From: Heather 11/24 Mon 15:36
I think I should be the one to apologize. I think I should tell you that we should just be friends. I told you my friend said to be careful about meeting because the feeling might not be there. I don't think any more feeling is there so we should be friends. [That sounds so ESL.]
From: Satoshi 11/24 Mon 16:03
ごめん。I can't find my words! Just I feel hurt. Why didn't you say so before meeting? Cuz my dreaming was becoming big day by day. Nope, it's not your fault! I don't have to blame you! Okay, I got it. Thanks for great dream! Bye-bye.
From: Heather 11/24 Mon 22:06
I feel really terrible about everything but I needed to be honest. I'm sorry you are hurt but it will be better in the long run. I am sad that my feelings changed suddently too. If we had met sooner we wouldn't have gotten to this point. All the best.
him that Andrew said to be careful about it but I don't think he understood what I was getting at. Obviously not since he says he can't stop crying. ARkjggakjfd why do I feel like the bad guy here?! It really feels like he hasn't left his little town--no, his fucking house--ever
and I am the first friend he's made and I turn around and dump him. I really pity him and that feels wrong too.
I don't even know what else to say about this. So I won't say anything.
Yeah, so on to not so shitty news. Andrew wanted to go enjoy 紅葉 (kouyou, "red leaves") before all the leaves fall off the trees so we treked out to Tsukuba today. I've only taken the Tsukuba Express once and was appalled at the price. It cost 700 yen one way but the rapid only takes 25 minutes from Nagareyama Ootakanomori and stops only once. From the station we had to take a 40-minute shuttle bus (another 750 yen) to Tsukuba Jinja on Mount Tsukuba
and there we visited the shrine and walked up the mountain. OH MY GOD. I just did my exercise for 2008. It was a 2.3km course up to the 871m (2,858ft) summit of 男体山 (Nantai-san, "Man Body Mountain"). It took us about 2 hours with all my breaks. I have much respect for Japanese old folks that climb mountains in their free time. Whenever we passed people, we greeted them (or they greeted us) "Konnichiwa~". It was really cool.
It started raining when we got to the top and we couldn't see shit because of the fog/clouds and it was fucking cold. We took the cable car down (570yen) back to the shrine and then at some udon at a nice shop that had a pregnant kitty. :D And then came home, cold and wet. I brought my camera but it sucks so I didn't take that many pictures. I'm going to snake Justin's when he gets his uploaded to Flicker. ( Pic spam under cut. )