I feel bad. I just crushed the dreams of a 28-year-old virgin!

[aide]

Why do we feel guilty for being up front about our feelings and intentions?  I didn't know that I would end up not liking Satoshi when we met; if anything I was more sceptical that I would.  I feel like a bitch.  Yes, it was my fault for leading him to believe that something might be there but honestly, I thought there was too.  I was getting warm fuzzies when I saw that he'd mailed me.  Maybe it's because I'm (clearly) more mature than he is and (definitely) have more experience in this regard because I know what I want and I won't settle.  I'm not one of those flakey Japanese girls (or boys) who will date someone they don't even really like just to say they have a boyfriend.  How much could he really like me after only talking through emails?  Even after 3 weeks.  I'm trying to justify this to myself and I talked about it with Andrew while we climbed Mt. Tsukuba today (YES I CLIMBED A MOUNTAIN!) and he said that I'll feel better in a few days, and I probably will.  Satoshi and I are just cut from different cloth, obviously.  Would he rather me lie to him and pretend and have him fall for me more and then break up with him because it wasn't working out?  I think I did him a huge favour, even if he doesn't think so now.

From: Heather 11/24 Mon 15:36
I think I should be the one to apologize.  I think I should tell you that we should just be friends.  I told you my friend said to be careful about meeting because the feeling might not be there.  I don't think any more feeling is there so we should be friends.  [That sounds so ESL.]

From: Satoshi 11/24 Mon 16:03
ごめん。I can't find my words!  Just I feel hurt.  Why didn't you say so before meeting?  Cuz my dreaming was becoming big day by day.  Nope, it's not your fault!  I don't have to blame you!  Okay, I got it.  Thanks for great dream!  Bye-bye.

From: Heather 11/24 Mon 22:06
I feel really terrible about everything but I needed to be honest.  I'm sorry you are hurt but it will be better in the long run.  I am sad that my feelings changed suddently too.  If we had met sooner we wouldn't have gotten to this point.  All the best.

I told him that Andrew said to be careful about it but I don't think he understood what I was getting at.  Obviously not since he says he can't stop crying.  ARkjggakjfd why do I feel like the bad guy here?!  It really feels like he hasn't left his little town--no, his fucking house--ever and I am the first friend he's made and I turn around and dump him.  I really pity him and that feels wrong too. 

I don't even know what else to say about this.  So I won't say anything.

Yeah, so on to not so shitty news.  Andrew wanted to go enjoy 紅葉 (kouyou, "red leaves") before all the leaves fall off the trees so we treked out to Tsukuba today.  I've only taken the Tsukuba Express once and was appalled at the price.  It cost 700 yen one way but the rapid only takes 25 minutes from Nagareyama Ootakanomori and stops only once.  From the station we had to take a 40-minute shuttle bus (another 750 yen) to Tsukuba Jinja on Mount Tsukuba and there we visited the shrine and walked up the mountain.  OH MY GOD.  I just did my exercise for 2008.  It was a 2.3km course up to the 871m (2,858ft) summit of 男体山 (Nantai-san, "Man Body Mountain").  It took us about 2 hours with all my breaks.  I have much respect for Japanese old folks that climb mountains in their free time.  Whenever we passed people, we greeted them (or they greeted us) "Konnichiwa~".  It was really cool.

It started raining when we got to the top and we couldn't see shit because of the fog/clouds and it was fucking cold.  We took the cable car down (570yen) back to the shrine and then at some udon at a nice shop that had a pregnant kitty. :D  And then came home, cold and wet.  I brought my camera but it sucks so I didn't take that many pictures.  I'm going to snake Justin's when he gets his uploaded to Flicker.


Andrew passes out on the bus so we take embarassing pictures. :D


View from the foot of the shrine.


Blast off!


Cute little boy by the pond! :D  You totally know he's weighing his chances of getting wet without getting in trouble.


Pond at the shrine.


Ibaraki Prefecture Chrysanthemum Competition.  Apparently winter is chrysanthemum season?


Andrew says, "Todai smells like ass." (FYI the symbol of Tokyo University is two gingko leaves and gingko leaves actually do smell like shit.)


How to pray at Shinto shrines:  Bow twice, clap twice, pray, bow once.


Before setting off.

Comments

[happenstanc3.livejournal.com]

What I said. Don't chew yourself to pieces over this, you did the right thing.

CHUBBY LITTLE JAPANESE CHILDREN ARE MY WEAKNESS OMG. ;~; *Sakurai sort of squee*

You are all so lightly dressed. D: Is it that autumn-y in Japan?

[maiaide.livejournal.com]

Oh no. I had a thermal undershirt, long sleeved t-shirt, polo, hoodie AND vest on. On the trek up I ended up shedding the vest and hoodie but at the top when it started raining it was freaking collllld. D: My feet were the coldest though. Cons are not good winter wear.

Yes. I know I did the best thing. I still feel like a bit of a skank for having to do it though. I want to say he's a big boy and he'll get over it, but maybe he won't.

I KNOW. CHUBBY AZN BABIESSSS.

[happenstanc3.livejournal.com]

Ahhh... It's basically snowing here, so that's why I was wondering. Kanto and Hungarian temperatures are not so different in my experience, generally speaking.

Well, if a 28 year old guy gets crushed by this, then it's really not your business to fix him. :/

[maiaide.livejournal.com]

Yeah. It gets pretty chilly at night (~5 these days) but not too much snow in the city.

UGH. I just can't believe that. I really can't. But I'm not going to lose sleeping wondering how this guy got to be so old and never have even kissed a girl. That's really hard to buy. But then again... not really at all.

[happenstanc3.livejournal.com]

Randomly, have you heard the new KoyaShige duet? It's basically the same bullshit as Chirarizumu. Maybe it'll cheer you up. Shige trying to sound upbeat is an entirely new level of hilarity.

[maiaide.livejournal.com]

I don't know that other (older?) song but I do have the new duet. Actually I'm rocking out to Home Made Kazoku and they are doing a mighty fine job of picking up my spirits. :D

[happenstanc3.livejournal.com]

Niiice. :D I'm listening to Smile Maker. I'm proud of NewS. For all the bashing I've seen, I think Color is a decent album from a group we don't exactly love for their singing.

[maiaide.livejournal.com]

You could write fic for me to cheer me up. :D That would be awesome.
Wishlist! (http://maiaide.livejournal.com/113787.html)

[happenstanc3.livejournal.com]

Jun/Mao. YES HET SEX.

rofl. best ever.

[happenstanc3.livejournal.com]

ALSO! You like Big Bang? 8D

[maiaide.livejournal.com]

Only very recently but Yes! They rock. And I love their new Japanese album that is mostly in English. XD

[happenstanc3.livejournal.com]

I kind of hate the pimpage in Japan, but I guess it's good news for some of us. ;p

Also, you don't want to hear their Japanese. xD; Youngbae can speak a bit, but the rest are barely coherent in English as it is.

[maiaide.livejournal.com]

They have pretty good pronunciation though so it leads me to believe they are half-decent. But I guess Korean has most of the same sounds as English so it's easier for them? Compared to Japaneses I guess.

DO NOT WANT to go to work. I'm going to be sitting at my desk all day doing nothing. can't even log into LJ. D:

[happenstanc3.livejournal.com]

Actually, they are quite awful in actual conversation. Like, hand-flailing awkward-pauses lots-of-cracking-up-from-both-sides awful. According to all Americans who ever worked with them, anyway.

Japanese is tricky. It has sounds like *gasp* F. ;D

): Ew, work.

[trivialaffair.livejournal.com]

You did what you had to do, and if you really felt that way, than it was right that you told him the truth.

Also, yay pictures! It looks so pretty and looks like you had a lot of fun (CONGRATS ON CLIMBING A MOUNTAIN).

DID I MENTION I LOVE YOU FOR NOT TOTALLY HATING MY FIC? JUST. YOU'RE SO AWESOME. YOUR EDITS WERE LIKE COOKIES TO ME. EACH ONE WAS UBER DELICIOUS.

[pearlsphere.livejournal.com]

"FYI the symbol of Tokyo University is two gingko leaves and gingko leaves actually do smell like shit." haha. I agree with what everyone said so far. It was not meant to be, and you'll sure feel a lot better in the long run for not compromising to a relationship where definitely your heart was not in.
The last pic is gorgeous! and the cute boy by the pond, guh I want to kidnap him!! ♥
Glad you had a great time, climbing a mountain sounds refreshing, and the konnichiwa'sback and forth, that sounded so cute.